Posted by elaynamonster on May 01, 2002 at 00:44:43:
I am sitting here, in Waco, Texas, studying for, of all things, my law school sentencing exam. Every day, I go to work at the District Attorney's Office, and I help victims find their rights in the system and I listen to victims read their impact statements in court. Today, though, I realize that I am a victim, too. After reading the impact statements written and bravely read by Gene, Beth and Karen, I feel again the ultimate and profound pain of having lost Wendy. I feel empowered by Karen's assertion of her world, not to be destoyed in the quake of Araceli's violence. I want to join Karen and not let my little world of Wendy (deep inside my heart) be destroyed by one person who brought darkness. But at the same time, I cry because I am reminded of all that the whole world, not just my world, lost the day we lost Wendy. Even though Wendy and I were not as "one" as we once were when she died, she always always was inside me, begging me to wear something silly, dance in the supermarket, or open up to emotion. I know now that Wendy knows that, but I want so badly and so suddenly for Araceli to know that. I want her to know how Wendy built a little home inside everyone she met, and how even if you weren't with her on the outside, on the inside, she had already set up camp and kicked her bunny-slippered feet up inside your soul. My legal mind knows that the system's justice has been served, but it's my little heart that can't quite be resolved, and I realize, as Beth said, that there will be no closure; we are all victims today.